James is a Piggybank!

Yesterday was General Conference. Shortly before the second Saturday session, Paul put James down for a nap and then joined us on the couch to watch. Not long after, Paul heard James throwing up in his room. Monday of this week, Charles and Carol Lynn had thrown up - then Tuesday morning, Bailey had thrown up too, so my first reaction was that James had just caught what the other kids had. Paul gave him a bath while I cleaned up his bed sheets. While I was cleaning his bed, my attention was drawn to the pile of coins on his sheets covered in vomit, and I had the thought that he might have tried to swallow one, but I brushed the thought aside considering how the other kids had been sick earlier in the week. He threw up about 7 times (including during his bath) before he finally quieted enough to go down for his nap. It was disconcerting how convulsive his heaving was - very different from the single incident vomiting of the other kids. I was concerned about him, so I laid down next to him until he fell asleep - then I joined everyone to continue watching conference.

Paul left for the priesthood session about 4:30. James was still sleeping, so I went to check on him. I found him awake in his bed, but lying very still. I laid down next to him and continued to worry about him. I started to doze a little when I heard a distinct voice (that sounded like Paul), calling my name. I woke up with a start and immediately felt like I should take James to the doctor. 

I decided to take him to the Phoenix Children's Urgent Care located in the East Valley to determine if he had swallowed something first before taking him to the Emergency Room. Since Paul was gone, I let Rebekah and Peter know of my plan - fed William really quickly, and tried to gather some needed items (including a container for him to throw up in - since he started throwing up again as soon as he sat up). Before loading James up, I took my things out to the van only to discover that the white van's battery was completely dead. I started to feel a bit frantic. I needed to take James to the doctor. So I knocked on Heather's door.

I was just going to ask her if I could borrow her van, but instead what came out was, "Would you drive me and James to the Urgent Care?" I'm so grateful for her willingness to take us, and even more grateful that I was able to sit in the back with James as he continued to throw up and dry heave. Trying to drive by myself and hear that behind me would have been miserable. We checked in at the Urgent Care and Heather offered to stay with me. Ever since Paul was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and I was completely alone when I was told by the doctor - I have been leery of seeking emergency medical care without the support of someone else. I was so grateful to have Heather there with me.

The X-rays were very clear that James had swallowed a coin. It was right by the junction of the esophagus and the trachea. The illustration below shows a tube going down the esophagus with the trachea above it to give an idea of where the coin was lodged. The doctors worried that if he got upset at all - or even possibly when he was throwing up, the coin could move into the trachea and prevent him from breathing. Because of this concern, they decided to have us ride in an ambulance (so he could be monitored) to the Phoenix Children's Hospital to have the coin removed.

I'm so grateful Heather was there, because my thoughts were so full of James, that I had completely forgotten that I had a nursing baby at home until Heather reminded me about William. I called Paul and his mother went to grab William, then both of his parents and Paul met us at the hospital while Heather headed home to help get the other children settled for the night. I had also called my neighbor, Leah, and asked her to go and let the kids know what was going on with James and check on them until more help arrived.

Riding in an ambulance has never been on my bucket list, but it was a very interesting experience. Because James was so little, they had me sit on the gurney, then hold him on my lap. Then they hooked him up to all of the monitors to make sure he was breathing well. Then they buckled us both on and rolled us out to the ambulance. James fell asleep in my arms on the way there. By this time it was about 8 PM - definitely past bedtime and he hadn't had any food since lunch.

Once at the hospital, I was able to nurse little William and he eventually fell asleep in his carseat. Paul and his dad gave James a blessing. I know that angels were with us, because both James and I felt so calm and peaceful. He was so quiet and uncharacteristically still. I believe he was blessed to feel so peaceful throughout to prevent the coin from doing any lasting damage. They had to do an IV for the fluids and anesthesia for the procedure. Even though they had to do it twice (the first time blew), he was still so calm. They were really wonderful at the Phoenix Children's Hospital. They explained what was going to happen and then helped distract him with a movie. They even brought him some new cars to play with. Everyone kept commenting how amazing he was.

I think James and I are similar in that when we are hurting, we go into deep meditation mode and move as little as possible, but I'm grateful that in this case it made things so much easier. It was also so sweet and comforting to me to be able to just hold him close for hours.

About 10:40 PM they took James back to the operating room to remove the coin. Another tender mercy - he didn't cry at all when the nurse took him from me. Literally 5 minutes later, the doctors came out to let us know that he was fine and that he had swallowed a quarter! It's hard to imagine how anyone could swallow a quarter, much less a two year old. They presented the quarter to us in a sterile cup. I'm pretty sure it's the most expensive coin we own:)

About twenty minutes after the procedure, we were able to go back and sit with him while he woke up. He was very tired (it was after 11 by this point), but he was so happy to finally be able to drink again. When the coin was stuck, they said no food or drink, because he was at risk for aspiration. I don't think he has every been so happy to have apple juice!

We made it home around 1 in the morning. We all crashed. This morning James has been happy and noisy and bouncy. It has been so good to see. I'm so grateful he is ok. I love him so much.

The Motherhood Pride Cycle

By Christine Winward

When studying the scriptures (or any history for that matter), you become aware of certain patterns in society. The people PROSPER, they get PROUD, they FORGET God, they get CHASTENED/DESTROYED, they become HUMBLED, they again begin to PROSPER and so on. I was thinking about this cycle the other day and decided that this is also a definite pattern in motherhood.

When we find something that works with our children, we sometimes get PROUD and in our excitement over our success, we BOAST to other moms of how we have accomplished such great things. This is sometimes followed by a desire to post our results on social media and sell our systems, or to at least give advice to all of our friends. Shortly after we give said advice, the stage passes and our brilliant solution is no longer valid - leaving us feeling very chastened and often also frustrated and embarrassed. At this point, we can choose to sulk, or we can HUMBLE ourselves and try to find something else that will work. Eventually, we hit on another brilliant plan and we again begin to PROSPER!  We are amazing Moms! We know all the answers! If everyone just did things the way we did, all the world’s problems would be solved! Oops! Back to PRIDE again - brace yourself for the FALL.

When I was a new mom, I used to wonder why the moms of multiple children who were all older than my little toddler were always so silent about giving advice - while the moms with children the same age as mine always seemed to be quick to share ideas and solutions. Back then, I thought the older moms were selfishly keeping the secrets to themselves, but now that I am an “older mom” I realize that their silence wasn’t selfish, rather they knew about the cycle! They knew that solutions in parenting are often very unique to both the parents and each child. They had experienced enough CHASTENINGS to recognize the danger in pridefully sharing systems that had not been proven over time.

Now that I have more experience and hopefully a bit more wisdom, I’ve learned that what works for me and my family is not the perfect one-size-fits-all solution for everyone else. I’ve learned that although I have seven children, I still have not experienced parenting every kind of child out there. I believe that a loving Heavenly Father sends us children that need us, but that we also need our children to help us stretch and grow and reach our full potential.

I’ve learned that instead of offering advice, it is better to offer support and encouragement. As mothers, we don’t need our friends to turn into personal life-coaches who tell us what we should be doing. We need peers who understand that mothering is the most beautiful and difficult thing we can do in our lives and to love us and cheer us and lift us through the successes and the failures. If we can stay in this HUMBLE state and rejoice in the achievements of our friends, learning from them and teaching them in our turn, we can avoid re-entering that awful cycle and instead keep the beautiful balance of HUMILITY and PROSPERITY a constant in our ever changing adventure called MOTHERHOOD.

Nursing in Public

“You make it easier for others to do the same”

By Christine Winward

A few weeks ago, I was at the zoo with a friend and her two young children.   I had my own three children (including my 1 month old baby boy) and my niece and nephew with me - it was kind of crazy keeping track of everyone (ages: 4, 4, 2, 1, 1 month), but we had a fun time.  During our lunch break, we paused at the playground and while the kids played in the treehouse after finishing their food, I pulled out my nursing cover and fed my baby.  When I had finished, a woman approached me and handed me a business card while thanking me for nursing in public.  I was pretty surprised.  I have never been thanked for nursing in public before, so curious, I examined the card more closely after I got home.

The card was for the AZ Breastfeeding Bag Project (supporting the natural way to feed your baby), and listed a website: azbreastfeedingbagproject.org; an email: AZBFBP@gmail.com; and contact info: PO Box 5701 Mesa, AZ 85211 480-580-2196 as well as links to Facebook and Twitter.  What really impressed me though was what was written on the back of the card:

“Thank you for nursing in public, you make it easier for other moms to do the same.”

I couldn’t stop thinking about that phrase.  When I shared it with my husband, he laughed and said, is it that big of a deal?  Haven’t you been nursing in public for a long time?  His question helped me remember how uncomfortable I was as a new mom nursing in front of anyone.  I remember hiding in my room to nurse when company came over - even when my in-laws visited, I would retreat to nurse. I recalled all the times I nursed my baby while sitting in a restroom stall or hiding in the backseat of our car. I felt so isolated and disconnected from everyone, but even with a blanket, it seemed so uncomfortable to nurse in public.

When I had my third baby, I discovered a nursing shield (basically a blanket with a strap that went around your neck and a stiff part that let you see your baby).  This made it so much more comfortable to nurse around others, but I still hesitated to nurse at the park or anywhere someone might be sitting or standing behind me and I would feel exposed.

I just recently had my seventh baby.  I have overcome most of my discomfort breastfeeding in public, however, in quiet places (like church) I still prefer to find a mother’s room since I have noisy nursers:).  This baby, I have started using a nursing cover called “Covered Goods” (http://www.coveredgoods.com/). This is by far the most modest cover I have ever experienced.  It wraps completely around you and fits snugly against your body at the neck so no one sees anything.  With it, I have felt comfortable nursing while watching my older son compete in Battle of the Books at his school, while watching a high school musical and while having lunch at the zoo.  The best thing about this cover is that unless people are really paying attention, they may not even realize you are nursing at all.

I believe that breastfeeding is the best for babies and mothers, but I do not agree with the rampant posting of breastfeeding pictures and the insistence that others should accept and deal with it.  Breastfeeding is beautiful.  When I am at home with my family and children, I breastfeed without a cover and my girls and boys can witness how perfect a woman’s body is to care for her children. One of the sweetest things about having a new baby in the house is watching my toddlers and preschoolers stuff their baby dolls under their shirts to “breastfeed” them while I feed my baby (even a few of my boys have done this!). However, when I am in public, I refuse to allow others to view my feeding my baby in a perverted or offensive way.

I’m grateful that I have finally become more confident nursing in public. It has allowed me to re-enter the world when I have a new baby instead of feeling cut off from everything.  I’m so grateful for great products that allow me to be modest and discreet while nursing my babies. I hope that when other moms see me nursing in public, it truly does make it easier for them to make the same choice.

7 Things I’ve learned being 7 days late (and counting) with my 7th baby:

1. Never cancel plans because you “might” have the baby, it only adds to the disappointment of being late.  Instead, schedule one thing to look forward to everyday that’s easy to do or not to do (watch a favorite movie, go out to lunch with a friend, go walking with your husband, get a pedicure, favorite dessert, etc.).
2. Keep your friends and family posted daily.  This helps avoid the constant, “Have you had the baby yet?” texts, emails and phone calls that happen otherwise.  I have found that posting to Facebook is perfect for this.  I don’t have to send a gazillion messages to get the word out.  This also gives them a place to give you encouragement and support.
3. Consider changing your voicemail message to, “I’m not having the baby, I just couldn’t get to the phone in time.”  This avoids receiving frustrating messages left by well-meaning friends that begin something like, “I was just calling to see how you’re doing, but maybe you’re having the baby right now!”
4. A friend of mine invented a game for mothers who go past their due dates.  It works like this: the first day you are late, you get to spend $1 on yourself, then everyday the amount doubles (2-$2; 3-$4; 4-$8; 5-$16; 6-$32; 7-$64, etc.)  You could start the beginning amount higher, but be warned - if you go very late, it could get quite pricey!  I have never actually played this game, despite having all but my first baby go anywhere from 3-9 days past my due date.  However, this time around I decided to try it and it has been fun.  I would still rather have my baby, but the incentive of getting to spend money on myself guilt-free, and the encouragement from family and friends to do so has been very fun.  It has also ensured that for at least a little while that day, I get to go somewhere by myself.
5. Most mornings this past week, I have woken up disappointed that I didn’t go into labor and daunted at the idea of facing another day of being pregnant and taking care of my six children (especially since this week was spring break!).  I take my time getting out of bed.  I shed a few tears.  I pray for strength and endurance.  I update my Facebook post, and I think of something fun to look forward to that day.  Although I’ll be the first to say that having a newborn is tons better than being 9 ½ months pregnant, there are some advantages to being pregnant.  You have a ready excuse to cry for absolutely no reason whatsoever.  You can take naps and not have to worry about waking up to feed your baby.  You can work on projects that will be more difficult to finish after baby comes. It’s not a perfect solution, but it helps.
6. Enjoy the look of shock and almost panic that instantly appears on people’s faces when they find out how far past your due date you are!  It really is funny.  They look at you like your a time bomb about to explode.  I’m almost tempted to fake some contractions or something just to see what they would do.  I think most people connect “late” with fast delivery for some reason, which has most unfortunately not been my experience.  But it is very entertaining to watch for their reaction.
7. Finally, the thing I’ve learned that is probably the most important of all is that I will not be pregnant forever.  This seems like an obvious statement, but believe me - when you’re a week overdue, logic is not your strong point and everyday you wake up pregnant feels like eternity.  You start to believe you will never have the baby and you will always feel like a beached whale.  

Many people ask me why I don’t just get induced.  It’s a fair question.  With medical advances the way they are, many women get induced with no problems.  However, with my first baby, I had complications and the doctor chose to induce me, inspite of the fact that my body was not at all ready to have a baby.  I ended up in labor for twelve hours that ultimately ended in an emergency c-section.  Recovery was very hard.  I knew that having a c-section could limit the number of children my body could bear.  It was very important to me that I would be able to have the large family I had always dreamed of. So when I was expecting our second baby, I searched for a doctor who would be willing to help me with a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section).  When I was a week overdue, I went into the hospital to see if I had progressed enough to be induced, but when the doctor examined me, she explained that my body was not ready and if I chose to be induced, I would very likely end up with another c-section.  So I made one of the hardest decisions ever and chose to go home and be pregnant until my body was ready to go into labor on its own.  I put my mother on the plane to fly back home, and waited.  Finally, 9 days after my due date, I went into natural labor and was able to deliver a healthy 8 lb. 11 oz. boy.  Since that decision, I have not been tempted to be induced.  I’m a strong believer in waiting for both my body and the baby to be ready to be born.  For me, it’s best to wait.  I would rather have a few days of extra discomfort, than weeks of recovery from a c-section. So, I will continue waiting for my sweet little one to arrive, I know it’s worth every uncomfortable minute!

Challenge: There are many stages in motherhood that are harder to get through than others.  Create a deliberate plan to get through the stage you're in with more optimism and humor.  Commit to enduring well and not just waiting for it to be over.

Question: How have you gotten through a difficult time in your life - where timing was not in your control?