What I wished I knew as a NEW Mother:

What I wished I knew as a new mother:

• Nursing HURTS for up to the first 6 weeks, but then it’s wonderful.  Stick it out!
• Don’t keep track of how many times you get up in the night, it just makes you more tired.
• When you have a new baby, a shower is extremely important … take one everyday if possible, every other day at the very least … your baby may cry, but you will feel so much better having gotten ready and dressed.
• It’s tempting to measure your success as a mother by how much your baby cries.  Babies cry.  It’s OK.  You are a person too.  If you never eat, sleep, go to the bathroom or get ready because you’re baby might cry … you’ll be the one crying!  Give yourself permission to take care of you, even if the baby has to cry for a few minutes for that to happen.
• Stay connected with friends, family or other moms.  The first year of motherhood can be really lonely.  Your husband is at work or school, and with the baby - you don’t get out as much as you used to.  The phone is a great tool to keep in touch and stay sane.  
• If there is a playgroup in your church or neighborhood, make an effort to go.  Playgroup is for moms - kids just happen to have fun too.  You don’t have to wait until your baby is old enough to play at the park to go.
• It is worth it to buy in between clothes.  The tendency is to either want to be in maternity clothes or in your pre-pregnancy clothes.  The reality is that it takes a while to get back into your regular clothes and it’s depressing to still be wearing maternity clothes after you have your baby!  For me, it can take a full year to completely get back to my old size.  It is much easier to feel good about your body and yourself if your clothes fit.  Invest in some in between stages clothes.  You’ll be so grateful to wear things that fit.
• The Moby Wrap style baby carrier is by far the most comfortable carrier I’ve ever tried.  It’s the only one that I’ve used that can accommodate newborns-toddlers.
• Instead of putting the baby carrier in the shopping cart and having no place to put the groceries, carry your baby in a Moby Wrap or other baby front pack.  Baby is happier close to you (less likely to fuss and more likely to sleep through the whole trip) and you can actually do your shopping.  This is especially helpful when you have more than one child and your toddler decides to run away from you at the store … they are easier to chase when the baby is strapped to you than trying to race after the toddler with a fully loaded cart, trying not to tip the carrier.
• When nursing, drink water every time you nurse, every time you sit down, every time you feel hungry … essentially drink water all day and all night!
• For nighttime feedings, have a dim night light on where you will be taking care of the baby.  Never turn on the lights.  The night light should provide enough light for you to change the baby and nurse.  Keep your eyes closed as much as possible.  Having a high backed chair to nurse in is extremely helpful, because you can almost go back to sleep while nursing.  Some moms can nurse lying down in bed.  This hasn’t worked well for me, but definitely try not to wake up any more than is absolutely necessary to take care of baby and go back to bed.  Don’t look at the clock!
• Get a good nursing pillow.  I love my “Brest Friend” nursing pillow.  It buckles around you and provides not only support for your arms, but also for your lower back.  I love that it has a little attached pocket, perfect for holding extra nursing pads or nursing creme or the ever elusive pacifier.
• Find a good outlet.  For me, the first year of being a mom was very emotional.  Being the oldest of eight, I was confident in my ability to take care of a baby, but I was unprepared by the pressure of trying to be the perfect mother and the constant physical demands.  Writing in my journal became crucial for me.  I didn’t have any close friends, because we moved when my first baby was only 1 month old, so writing my thoughts and struggles and feelings was how I was able to sort through them and keep them in check.
• When you are sleep deprived, everything seems like a mountain.  Know that sleep deprivation is temporary.  Be patient with yourself.  Lower your expectations for the first few months.  Around 3-4 months, napping patterns start to emerge more consistently and you will regain much of your lost energy to finally accomplish all of the projects you’ve just been staring at or thinking about while nursing the first few months of motherhood.
• Allow your husband to be involved.  Let him know how he can best help you.  Know that he will do things differently than you with the baby.  Let him.  Encourage him.  Give him confidence and praise his efforts as a new dad.
• Encourage your husband to ask you “How was your day?” instead of “What did you do today?”  Focus on the positive when you answer and that’s what you’ll remember.
• Our rule at night is I get up with the baby to nurse and change, but if the baby is still fussing, my husband takes over so I can rest for a while.  By tag teaming, we both get some sleep.
• At church, we trade off who gets to stay for Priesthood/Relief Society each week.  I try to nurse during sacrament meeting, because I can still hear the speakers in the mother’s lounge.
• Commit to going to church and staying at church each week.  It’s very easy to rationalize going home early when you spend the entire block walking the halls or nursing a fussy baby, but stay committed.  As a parent, church is hard.  Waiting for it to get easier before you stay for the whole meeting will lead to inactivity.  
• You can still grow in your testimony and serve in the church as you walk the halls.  Fellowshipping others and living gospel principles such as “patience” instead of just hearing about them will bring you closer to your Father in Heaven if you stay with the right spirit in your heart.
• Don’t fall into the comparison trap.  Try not to compare yourself or your baby to other mothers and babies.  Spend time lifting up your other mother friends and laughing about shared experiences, but don’t start feeling like you’re not a good mom because you don’t ___________ like ___________ or your house isn’t as clean as ___________ or you don’t do cloth diapers like ________________ or your baby isn’t rolling over yet like __________.  You are the perfect mother for your baby.  Trust your instincts and have faith that you are doing the best you can do.  Your best is different from others and is pleasing to your Heavenly Father.
• Pray!  Everyday I pray for strength and energy and patience and love and help prioritizing my day.  As mothers, we are partners with God in a great work.  He always answers our prayers.
• Plans unravel very quickly with children, so be flexible.
• Hold your baby as much as you possibly can the first few months, because they grow out of the snuggly phase so quickly!